Chalk Truck

Gillis loves art. So much so that even an old Dodge Dakota can become a rolling piece of sculpture. This truck was transformed in collaboration with the Kansas City Art Institute to become a canvas for the kids of Gillis. How? By covering it with chalkboard paint and keeping a big case of colored chalk in the back. Now on sunny days when the kids of Gillis need a break they have chalking parties during art class.

They cover the sidewalks and the truck with drawings and writings, sometimes munching on cookies and drinking lemonade while sitting on the tailgate. The truck, which belongs to the art teacher, is then driven around Kansas City showing off the kid’s art to the whole of midtown. Adults are welcome to chalk to so if you ever feel like volunteering on a nice day come draw with the Gillis kids. We would love to have you.

Submitted by Theo Bunch, Gillis Art Teacher

HAPPENINGS at the GILLIS THERAPEUTIC DAY SCHOOL

Gillis has been a very busy place this school year. We have started new programs and enhanced other existing programs.

The vocational program continues to give our students access to the latest in job research and training. In November students ran the Scholastic Book Fair. They sold more than $400.00 worth of books and came up with different ways to market the book fair for bigger profit next year. Students have gone to job fairs and will be hosting our 2^nd Annual Career Fair on February 22, 2013. The program will be run by our students. The students are also creating a cookbook of their favorite foods that they have made in cooking class. They will be selling this cookbook and marketing it during the year. There are many field trips planned for the spring and even more speakers coming to share their knowledge and careers.

The Theatre of the Imagination has joined Gillis this year to teach a class once a week and hold monthly performances. The first play was wonderful and the students thoroughly enjoyed performing it in front of the entire school. There were no shy students that day! I would say that our students were very ready to be the center of attention.

The Music Therapy Program will be running at full steam during the Holiday season…our band will be playing at Armour Oaks in December. They are also collaborating with Theatre of the Imagination to perform a rendition of “The Christmas Carol”. The staff bell choir will perform at the Holiday program on Wednesday, Dec. 19^th. In addition, we received a grant to purchase more instruments and sound equipment for music therapy…YEY!

Our teachers have been busy with creative ideas as well. There was a pirate day recently where the students learned all about pirates and then participated in a treasure hunt. Then there was the egg day where students learned about eggs and made different meals from eggs. Our creative teachers are doing so much that I could fill two more pages with creativity; however, I am out of room for this blog. I just want to say thank you to all of our teachers and staff who really take the time to help nurture our students. Our students always know that someone is on their side.

 Submitted By Maria Leeper-Vocational Coordinator at Gillis

VTPR is not short for vituperative…it’s worse. #@*%!!!!

Offensive language, dirty words, deplorable expletives, absolute profanity—even in an era where virtually everyone has heard it all before, in the right context, bad words can still shock you. For instance, I often hear the word  #@*% in movies  and it rarely shocks me. Once I heard a minister say it during a funeral and…wow. I felt truly offended and shocked for the first time in years.

At Gillis, the nature of our client’s lives and backgrounds has led our boys to know some pretty creative profanity combinations. Once I heard a young girl using some pretty raw vocabulary in the school recovery room and no one seemed to be doing anything about it. Later, I asked the care worker with her, “Don’t you do anything about the language?”

H replied “she used to cut herself when she got upset. We think the cussing is good progress.”

Made sense to me.

I might be a special case. There are words in the English language that cause me a much more visceral reaction than the usual expletives. “Sleet” is one of them. As a veteran of decades of Kansas City winters,  I’d much rather hear the foulest cussing and cursing than hear the words “sleet” and “ice storm.”

But “sleet”, utterly offensive as it is, is not the worst word I can think of. There is one word (it’s just an abbreviation, actually) so wholly disturbing that it messes me up for days. When I see come across my desk I start chewing the inside of my lip. My head feels light. I get so angry when I see it I sometimes pound my fist on my keyboard. At the same time I get so depressed that I just want to crawl in a hole.  Nothing tastes good the rest of the afternoon. I walk around with a snarl on my face. I grind my teeth and sweat.  I just can’t stand it.

That word is VTPR. 

As a guy who likes words and is interested in vocabulary, the first time I saw it I thought it meant “vituperative.” Vituperative means “describing abusive language or venomous censure.” I thought for a second it just meant one of our kids was being mean verbally. We can handle that. Unfortunately, the context didn’t work. VTPR meant something far far worse.

We know from our work that almost always, no matter what abuse or neglect a parent might have perpetrated on a child, the child still loves them. That’s actually a very good thing. A lot of “bad” parents are good people that can learn to be nurturing forces that help their children become the most they can be. Sometimes all it takes is some learning and self-forgiveness, or a minor tweak on some depression medications. Sometimes it takes more, but most of the time, whatever has happened to a family, somehow they still love each other and that love can provide the hope necessary to get through the healing ahead.

VTPR kills hope. It destroys a child’s entire sense of self and their world-view; shakes any tenuous grip they have on normalcy and alters their lives forever. VTPR means a kind of loneliness most of us could never imagine.

 VTPR stands for “Voluntary Termination of Parental Rights.”

Let me be clear, we aren’t talking about babies here. With babies it’s different. There are often good reasons for some women or girls to give their babies up for adoption. For many infants, it’s a good choice.

No, we’re talking about a child, maybe 3, maybe 6, maybe 10, who is faced with the knowledge that his mother just doesn’t love him and doesn’t want him anymore. She never wants to see him again. She will never take care of him again. Even true orphans can believe that their parents loved them; most believe that there parents watch over them and love them still, long after their deaths. But for those who were orphaned by choice, there is no such comfort.   

Most children who experience VTPR at an age when they can understand it develop extreme emotional problems stemming from this devastating trauma. Maybe now you can begin to imagine why I find it so offensive.

Fortunately for me, when I see the abbreviation VTPR, it is always in a mitigating context. The very opposite of hearing a minister use profanity at a funeral where the context makes it worse, when I see this foul and dirty word, it is accompanied by something that makes it a tiny little bit less horrible. When I see it, the word Gillis is also on the page.

At Gillis, we’ve dealt with children who have gone through this horrible experience for half a century. We use a combination of the latest and the most time-honored techniques to address such a trauma. In our tool box are complicated processes like cognitive affect enhancement, right along with the simplest and most effective tool we have: love.

Foul as it is, when the word VTPR is accompanied by the word Gillis, it means there is hope.

Maybe the worst thing about the first time I saw the abbreviation VTPR was the feeling of helplessness. “My God,” I thought, “What can I do to help this forsaken child?”

I don’t feel helpless anymore. As an employee of Gillis, I do all I can to help such children everyday. But I’m also a volunteer here sometimes when I’m not working, and maybe most importantly, I’m also a donor.  Writing a check to Gillis makes sure that Gillis will always be here for children suffering the devastating effects of VTPR. It means that I will never have to see those letters attached to a child, without also seeing the word that gives that same child hope: Gillis.     

Submitted by Thom Fox, Gillis Grants Manager

WINTER GARDEN

The weather is finally turning cold after a very warm winter and the Gillis Growth Grove is resting. It has had a very busy growing season full of farmers markets and guest speakers, kids, and gardening volunteers. In less than a year Gillis turned an empty plot of land behind the day treatment school into a garden of raised beds and spaces for relaxing and learning. The kids spent every Saturday helping dream up and build the Growth Grove and with their excitement, creative minds and hard working hands Gillis’s plans for the future have only gotten bigger.

We want the Growth Grove to continue to be a very special place for learning and growing. A place where hands on practical life skills like growing food, harvesting, cooking, carpentry, and landscaping are taught right alongside sciences and math. The Growth Grove is a place where experiential learning is celebrated with our students and residents.

The Growth Grove has also been another important space for healing. With the expansion of the Growth Grove to include more outdoor therapy spaces and areas to sit and relax we hope that our clients will find in it a safe space free from past trauma; a place to help them connect with nature and themselves.

So as the cold weather finally arrives and thoughts of maybe a snowy Christmas full of warm fires and snowmen come to mind we would like to thank Kansas City for its support of this new project. Without your donations, volunteerism, and kindness none of this would be possible.  We look forward to seeing you in the season to come, our plates and yours full of fresh veggies, and tasty fruits.

Submitted By Theo Bunch, Gillis Garden and Art Teacher

Huns and Nuns vs. Fun

“Line up, Teddy Bear! Line up, Spider-man! Line up, Ducky! Robot, Line up!” 

A few days ago I was in the KC Emergency Children’s Shelter here at Gillis, and Shari, a three-year-old girl, was giving some firm direction to a line of toys. With one accusing finger pointed in Teddy Bear’s face and the other hand planted in no-nonsense style on her hip, Shari was making sure her charges knew exactly what was expected of them. When Robot fell over, he got a stern lecture.

“Robot, you have to get in line! Line Up, Robot!”

Lining up is probably one of the first lessons in compliance for most American children. It seems like a basic thing, but there is always at least one free spirit in every pre-school class that makes his or her teacher start counting the days until retirement. For those who highly value free-thinking and creative perspective, even having children line up makes them wince a little. “Stand straight, step lively” seems so draconian in a way, and yet, even those artistic souls realize that elementary schools would suffer sheer pandemonium without classes in line. In the end, even the furthest out non-conformists must stop at red lights or end up in the hospital.

The balance is hard to find. No one wants to wipe the sense of exploration or joy of creativity out of any child. On the other hand, functioning successfully in modern society demands some level of conformity from all of us.

When I think of the balance question of teaching children basic societal norms, I think of Huns and Nuns. The Huns of course, established an empire in northern Europe and their famous leader, Attila, was notorious for his clashes with both the Western and Eastern Roman Empires. What brings them to mind is their practice of purposely deforming the heads of male children into cones so as to better fit their war helmets. Talk about conformity. 

While forcing conformity on children to that degree belongs mostly to ancient times, many of us can remember how strict many schools were just 35 or 40 years ago. The greatest reputation for strictness was enjoyed by Catholic schools. We’ve all at least seen a movie or two with stringent nuns applying rulers to wayward hands or wrists, and while that was probably less prevalent than popular culture led us to believe, there were certainly some very strict nuns using corporal punishment to create some very disciplined schools not so long ago.

I think about all of that in relationship to Gillis when I hear the phrase “less restrictive environment.” It’s one of those misleading measurement terms often used to assess the effectiveness of our treatment here. When children leave for foster care, or a less structured treatment, they have moved to a “less restrictive environment” and that’s considered a success. The problem is that it gives some people the impression that Gillis is some kind of prison camp, or military environment; it suggests that we are a very restrictive place.

That’s just not the case.

At Gillis, many of the children we serve come from very chaotic situations. A great deal of their trauma is caused by the fact that there was very little they could be sure of or count on as children. Perhaps there was never any guarantee of breakfast in the morning. Perhaps they never knew what mood their care givers would be in. It might change on a dime. Sometimes they might not even come home. Maybe basic needs were withheld. In young lives, this utter lack of routine and inability to distinguish a pattern creates a state of high anxiety that greatly harms a child’s ability to regulate emotion. 

Part of the therapeutic environment at Gillis is that we stick to well thought out routines. There are structured expectations and rewards. In short, we make it easy for children to know exactly what to expect.

To some, tight routines may sound a little “restrictive” but if you’re a kid who has lived through chaos, never knowing what was coming next, being able to count on something everyday is a BIG relief. It helps the anxiety recede and with less time spent nervous and worried, kids gain the time and ability to focus on healing from their traumatic pasts.

In the mean time, there is plenty of free play, outings to activities from theatrical performances to baseball games, and multiple opportunities for musical and artistic expression. Art Teacher/Youth Development Coordinator, Theo Bunch, explains that in some ways, Gillis is the LEAST restrictive environment.

“Well Kids here have suffered through some astonishingly bad stuff,” says Theo. “Some have been sexually abused, some physically. They have total freedom to work that stuff out in the art room at Gillis. They approach subject matter here that they could never express in a normal school. So, yeah, when it comes to creative expression, Gillis is anything but restrictive.”

So just in case the phrase “less restrictive environment” gives you pause, I hope you can understand that a better word would be “structured” environment; one that provides kids something they can count on in lives where so little could be taken for granted. No Huns here, and no nuns either.

We will still teach young children to “line up” and they in turn, as part of the learning process might teach Teddy Bear and Robot and Ducky to line up too, but at Gillis, being able to rely on getting in line gives children the peace they need to let their minds go wherever they want.   

Submitted by Thom Fox, Gillis Grants Manager

How Kickball Saves the World

His lips were pulled back in a snarl that would terrify a shark and his teeth were clinched so tight not even air could get through them. If it had been a cartoon, red fire would have been shooting out of his ears, but in real life, the deep crimson flush permeating his cheeks and forehead sent the message just as clearly. This kid was about to blow.

 Except he didn’t. He bent in the middle, grabbed a handful of his pant legs with each hand and made a sound that started as a furious grunt and ended like woeful sigh. He had tried to kick a homerun, but instead, he was out. The spectators held their breath. The boy, Rod, turned and walked back to home plate.

Everyone burst into applause. “Way to go, Rod! Awesome job, Rod!” It may not sound like a big victory, but Rod had performed like an all-star that day. He was practicing getting out.   

 Practicing getting out?  Absolutely. At Gillis, most of the children we serve have experienced horrible traumas, sometimes day after day. Some of these childhoods feature  long lists of violent acts stacked on verbal abuse cradled in extreme deprivation. One of the major effects of serious childhood trauma is a lack of resiliency.

 For most children failure or terror or pain are all exceptions in the course of a normal day, not constants. A normal toddler bonks his head or gets scared once a day maybe, but his parents soothe him immediately. They help him return to normal as quickly as possible. Eventually, a normal child learns to handle these experiences on their own. They know that pain and terror won’t last. They will be okay. That’s what we call resilience.

For traumatized children, the terror or pain can last all day, weeks even. Returning to “normal” doesn’t happen all that often. After a while, fear, anger, fighting for basic needs or preparation to flee or hide become what is normal. They never practice soothing. They can’t. They have to be wary at all times. They never learn the lesson that it will all be okay. For them it seems like it never will.

So what’s that have to do with kickball? At Gillis, kickball is another opportunity to practice resiliency. When children first arrive here, they have a lot of trouble with failure. Some react with violence. Some curl into a ball and cry. Almost all are ready to quit a game the first time they make the slightest mistake. That’s why at Gillis, we practice making outs.

 First, the care workers demonstrate. One kicks the ball back to the pitcher. The pitcher catches it and throws him out. The kicker says “darn it,” snaps his fingers, and returns to his team. His team mate says “That’s okay. Good Try.” Then all the boys practice the pieces. Everyone says “darn it.” They snap their fingers. Most laugh. Then they all practice saying “That’s okay. Good job.” It seems easy enough.

But when Rod tried it with a real ball, kicked it hard only to have it caught in the outfield and be called out—it wasn’t easy at all. Faced with a real failure, he nearly reverted to what an early life of child abuse had taught him: anger and violence. But he didn’t. Instead he handled his anger, accepted being out, kept it in perspective and showed himself that “it will all be okay.”

 And that is how kickball at Gillis helps to save Rod’s world. Rod, like all of us, will suffer failures and set backs, accidents, problems and conflicts. Learning the lesson that even if you make an out, it will eventually be okay is important for him as he tries again to be successful in foster care, in school and in his life. Sadly, Rod didn’t get to learn resilience from his mother soothing him as a baby, but in his therapy sessions and group talks, from the positive adult role models we provide him, and even on the kickball diamond, he’s learning it now at Gillis.  

 Submitted by Thom Fox, Gillis Grants Manager

Pies for Purpose

Buy a Pie...Help a Child!

Few Things are This Simple

Gillis “Pies for a Purpose” $15 gift certificates make giving Tippin’s Pies super easy. And, you support Gillis programs which help over 1,600 Kansas City families and children each year!

Gift certificates may be redeemed for any flavor Tippin’s Pie at any metro-area Hen House Market.

Two Easy Ways to Order

1.      Visit www.gillis.org/Pies

2.      Call us: 816.508.3200