Loss

 

Loss is the state of being deprived of or of being without something that one has had.  Loss can be a selfish thing.  “I hope that team losses.”  Loss can leave us speechless, and take the wind out of our sails.  Loss is a natural part of all of our lives.  No one is immune from experiencing loss, nor the pain associated with it.

100% of our client’s at Gillis have experienced loss, and most do not have the coping skills for managing it much less the pain and frustration that follows.  After having lost my mother in 1989, I was faced with a loss that I was not prepared to experience.  For days and weeks, the pain was overwhelming.  I felt numb, and some days were worse!  Eventually an acquaintance told me that “I will get over it.”  I remember asking myself, “get over what?”  How does someone “get over” losing their mother, father, sibling or worse yet, a child?  The short answer is you don’t.  However, you can manage that pain or as I learned the hard way, the pain will manage you.

Many of our clients have lost or are in the process of losing their mother, father, and or family.   Managing their pain is the last thing they want to do.  Most would rather run from it, or self medicate it.  It is not uncommon for them to strike out at others.  Our goal is to teach our clients that skill but in order to do so, we have to join them in their pain.  Thus it should not surprise you that working with traumatized clients is traumatizing. 

A former client who had been adopted at the age of 14 after years of abuse, and multiple placements including residential treatment, and foster care shared this metaphor with me.  “I realized that I was in a pit.  I could crawl out but then I kept throwing myself back into the pit.  Therapy and school would give me ladders and rope to make it easier to get out of that pit, but I would eventually throw myself back in.  Soon I learned that I had to stop walking around that pit and change my path to avoid the pit otherwise I would eventually end up back into the pit.”  The good news was that as my client found a new path to walk on, she was pleasantly surprised that she was not alone.  In fact she was never alone.  I was always in the pit with her, guiding her up the ladder or throwing her that rope.  Would it surprise you that we use a lot of rope at Gillis?

Submitted by Gillis Clinical Director, Grey Endres, MSW, LCSW, LSCSW

The More Things Change the More They Remain the Same

In gathering my thoughts to write my first blog entry I found myself thinking about how much has changed and somehow remained the same since 1870 when the 20 or so of the “better” more affluent women of the day formed WCA-Women’s Christian Association and decided they had to do something to relieve “the needy and distressed in this new and struggling city”.  Since the Civil War, Kansas City had gone from a population of 6,000 to more than 30,000 and was full of widows and orphans whose lives had been severely disrupted by the war and an influx of immigrants from countries throughout the world.  The economic times were tough and there were lots of other factors making life in the city full of turmoil and struggles.  There were no social services, government agencies, Social Security or United Way agencies.  These energetic women headed out into each ward of the city to “investigate all cases of distress” visiting homes and persistently finding the support to provide groceries, a doctor or coal to provide heat to a home.  By the end of 1870 they opened the “Working Women’s Home” for destitute and distressed women and their children, regardless of race or ethnicity. As the years passed and more and more children were brought to the home or left at the home, services became more focused on children and orphans, but they also opened the first home for the indigent elderly and by 1900 the property they had developed housed and served both.

Of course many years have transpired and here I am writing a blog entry about Gillis in 2012.  Of course there have been massive changes in the development of large social programs and governmental agencies and technological advances but economic times are still very tough for a large number of “needy and distressed” in Kansas City.  Like the women of WCA we are still looking every day for the practices and interventions that will best meet the needs of the children and families we serve who struggle with abuse, neglect, mental illness, poverty, violence in their communities and any number of traumas and struggles.  Many of the kids live with us or come to the therapeutic school on our beautiful campus but for many more we are going into their homes to provide any number of therapeutic and skill building services.  What is not so different from the late 1800’s is how often we are still seeking the support to provide help to families who need food or clothing or funds for a gas bill or a car repair so they can get to work or assistance with obtaining housing.  And while today we don’t have a large number of affluent volunteer champions like the women of WCA, we do have a large number of dedicated staff who show the same persistence and commitment to helping the needy and distressed children and families in the work they do every day. We are also blessed, like the women of WCA with the support of so many people who serve on our board, or volunteer with the children or help with the campus upkeep or make generous donations so we can carry forward our tremendous legacy and continue to provide for the needy and distressed in our community.                 

Submitted by Gillis CEO/President, Mary Ellen Schaid

Cannonball!

The sounds of summer are all around us, laughing, splashing, and “Cannonballs”! The anticipation of the swimming pool opening is a summer tradition at Gillis. In order to open the pool it has to be inspected by the city before anyone is able to swim. The day of the inspection arrived, you could sense the anticipation as a crowd of boys started lining up around the pool watching and praying that our pool would pass. Unfortunately, we failed because our pool did not have a hand rail in the shallow end of the pool, in order to pass inspection we would have to have one installed. The boys were disappointed so "Operation Hand Rail" kicked off. We had to find the handrail and get it installed as quickly as possible. I made some calls and Kraft Pool Services came to the rescue.  He found the handrail and installed it all in one day! The inspector was called we passed our test and the celebration began.

Swimming is one of the most popular summer activities at Gillis. We make every effort to provide the safest swimming environment possible. One of my coworkers recently posted on Facebook that her son had passed his swimming test, she was so proud of him for reaching this goal. One of the joys of my job is teaching Gillis kids to swim, I too feel those proud moments every time one of them passes the deep end swim test. They work hard and practice every day to earn this badge of courage. The test consists of swimming the Crawl stroke for two laps using proper technique and being able to tread water for 90 seconds.  When they finally reach their goal and pass, they are filled with pride and a sense of accomplishment. It is really one of the highlights of my job; the look on their faces when they pass into the deep end is priceless.

Submitted by Pam Sanders, Director of Recreation