Monday, December 3, 2012

Huns and Nuns vs. Fun


“Line up, Teddy Bear! Line up, Spider-man! Line up, Ducky! Robot, Line up!” 

A few days ago I was in the KC Emergency Children’s Shelter here at Gillis, and Shari, a three-year-old girl, was giving some firm direction to a line of toys. With one accusing finger pointed in Teddy Bear’s face and the other hand planted in no-nonsense style on her hip, Shari was making sure her charges knew exactly what was expected of them. When Robot fell over, he got a stern lecture.

“Robot, you have to get in line! Line Up, Robot!”

Lining up is probably one of the first lessons in compliance for most American children. It seems like a basic thing, but there is always at least one free spirit in every pre-school class that makes his or her teacher start counting the days until retirement. For those who highly value free-thinking and creative perspective, even having children line up makes them wince a little. “Stand straight, step lively” seems so draconian in a way, and yet, even those artistic souls realize that elementary schools would suffer sheer pandemonium without classes in line. In the end, even the furthest out non-conformists must stop at red lights or end up in the hospital.

The balance is hard to find. No one wants to wipe the sense of exploration or joy of creativity out of any child. On the other hand, functioning successfully in modern society demands some level of conformity from all of us.

When I think of the balance question of teaching children basic societal norms, I think of Huns and Nuns. The Huns of course, established an empire in northern Europe and their famous leader, Attila, was notorious for his clashes with both the Western and Eastern Roman Empires. What brings them to mind is their practice of purposely deforming the heads of male children into cones so as to better fit their war helmets. Talk about conformity. 

While forcing conformity on children to that degree belongs mostly to ancient times, many of us can remember how strict many schools were just 35 or 40 years ago. The greatest reputation for strictness was enjoyed by Catholic schools. We’ve all at least seen a movie or two with stringent nuns applying rulers to wayward hands or wrists, and while that was probably less prevalent than popular culture led us to believe, there were certainly some very strict nuns using corporal punishment to create some very disciplined schools not so long ago.

I think about all of that in relationship to Gillis when I hear the phrase “less restrictive environment.” It’s one of those misleading measurement terms often used to assess the effectiveness of our treatment here. When children leave for foster care, or a less structured treatment, they have moved to a “less restrictive environment” and that’s considered a success. The problem is that it gives some people the impression that Gillis is some kind of prison camp, or military environment; it suggests that we are a very restrictive place.

That’s just not the case.

At Gillis, many of the children we serve come from very chaotic situations. A great deal of their trauma is caused by the fact that there was very little they could be sure of or count on as children. Perhaps there was never any guarantee of breakfast in the morning. Perhaps they never knew what mood their care givers would be in. It might change on a dime. Sometimes they might not even come home. Maybe basic needs were withheld. In young lives, this utter lack of routine and inability to distinguish a pattern creates a state of high anxiety that greatly harms a child’s ability to regulate emotion. 

Part of the therapeutic environment at Gillis is that we stick to well thought out routines. There are structured expectations and rewards. In short, we make it easy for children to know exactly what to expect.

To some, tight routines may sound a little “restrictive” but if you’re a kid who has lived through chaos, never knowing what was coming next, being able to count on something everyday is a BIG relief. It helps the anxiety recede and with less time spent nervous and worried, kids gain the time and ability to focus on healing from their traumatic pasts.

In the mean time, there is plenty of free play, outings to activities from theatrical performances to baseball games, and multiple opportunities for musical and artistic expression. Art Teacher/Youth Development Coordinator, Theo Bunch, explains that in some ways, Gillis is the LEAST restrictive environment.

“Well Kids here have suffered through some astonishingly bad stuff,” says Theo. “Some have been sexually abused, some physically. They have total freedom to work that stuff out in the art room at Gillis. They approach subject matter here that they could never express in a normal school. So, yeah, when it comes to creative expression, Gillis is anything but restrictive.”

So just in case the phrase “less restrictive environment” gives you pause, I hope you can understand that a better word would be “structured” environment; one that provides kids something they can count on in lives where so little could be taken for granted. No Huns here, and no nuns either.

We will still teach young children to “line up” and they in turn, as part of the learning process might teach Teddy Bear and Robot and Ducky to line up too, but at Gillis, being able to rely on getting in line gives children the peace they need to let their minds go wherever they want.   

Submitted by Thom Fox, Gillis Grants Manager